WHAT TO DO IN AN EMERGENCY


The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov


The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few interpretations.

1. If you have set yourself on fire, do not run
expl_vis_dont_run

2. If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.
expl_vis_shout

3. If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder
expl_vis_open_door

4. If your building collapses, give yourself a blowjob while waiting to be rescued.
expl_vis_table

5. If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.
bio_vis_substance

6. Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!
expl_vis_flashlight

7. The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one (1) armless hand.
vis_chem_wash

8. Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the fuck away.
expl_vis_cover_nose

9. Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.
vis_chem_area

10. Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.
vis_chem_affected

11. If a door is closed, karate chop it open.
expl_vis_closed_door

12. Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile
vis_rad_time

13. After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.
nuc_vis_building

14. If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.
vis_high_windows

15. If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.
vis_high_stay

16. If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.
bio_vis_resp

17. If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.
exp_vis_dust

18. If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.
expl_vis_drop_roll

19. Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.
vis_car_wire

20. A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.
vis_rad_shield

21. Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die. food