Suicidal Indulgence

Ragging hormones
Inner turmoil
Black clouds
Grey skies
My soul feels empty
And what is meant by pride?

In a crowded room
No one hears me though
This is the life that I live
Beaten for a show

The pain inside my wrist
Feels like my escape
And it will all be ok

The torment
The torture
The pains of my reality
Evil eyes
And red lipstick
A combination
Of death

The light
The darkness
The blood on the floor
The reflection
In the mirror
I'll never recognize anymore

My tears
My pain
The emptiness inside me
Will keep me from my fears

Of Death
Of Darkness
Of Falling
And Pain

No one ever cared
No one ever saw
No one ever helped
With my pain
My mother
Self absorbed
My father
The prick

The depression
The darkness
The tears
Cried in the corner
In the closet
Of my sanctuary
Supposed to help
But doesn't

My first attempt
Failed me
I think I cried too loud
I'm too afraid
To hang a rope
And no money for a gun
The pills just hurt
And made me weak
So now the cutting has begun

The blood
It's flowing from my wrist
Seeping into our
Bathroom rug
A spot that won't be missed

I am getting weaker
As the life line
Trickles to the floor
The room is getting duller
And I can hardly stand
So now I lay here
Cause I stumbled to the floor

I can hear my
Heart beat drumming
Shallow breath
Upon my lips
The room is getting colder
There's a pain in my chest

The blood pools
Around me
I am now too
Weak to move
As I draw
My final breaths
And my heart begins to cool

I think of
All the torments
Of my life
And just wished
I had a friend
To talk to.

Cassie Pertiet 10/2002